“I’m Fine”

We say this a lot don’t we, when we’ve given up on ourselves and given up on people caring about us. For some people they say fine because they are feeling too deeply to try and suffocate themselves from people not caring enough. For me, I feel nothing. Feeling fine is like feeling the static channel on the television and you can’t find the remote. The volume is on mute, and it is stuck that way. You are just sitting on the floor, alone, the skies are grey and the rain threatens to fall at any second, but otherwise, it’s just silence and static. You’ve turned your heart off because you just cannot take anymore of people trying to hurt you. You’ve cut out your heart and handed it to them and they look at it and say that’s not enough-they need more. They tell you that you are trying to argue always and you want to end it, even though you just spent 3 weeks together in what you thought -was a mutual happiness. Then a few days when they leave you, the start to be cold and cruel, try to make you feel like a bad person. Take your words and literally copy and paste them back as if they were the ones who came up with it. They kill you and try to convince themselves you are the one throwing the punches. So you shut down. They always said how worried they were you would shut them out, but you, each time, assure them you were feeling like you were on Cloud 9. So they keep pushing you, you don’t understand why they are trying to get you to be the one who starts the fighting, actually, you don’t understand why they are acting this way at all. You had never given your entire heart to someone before, and you always thought, that your heart was the most valuable gift you could give someone. When it wasn’t enough? You were lost. If giving your heart to someone isn’t good enough, what is good enough? Can you tell me that? Because all I feel now is that static on mute.


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